BETA

Ode for the First Week of January to Messrs Galen and Glauber.*

Sapphic and Adonian.

Galen and Glauber ! men of pill and potion,1
Pestle at present pitilessly plying,2
Say, which of all our friends of Merry Christmas3
Chiefly befriends you ?4
Is it The Goose,† the wonder of beholders,5
Boundless of breast, and fathomless of “ apron” ‡—6
Apron contriv’d expressly for containing7
Savoury stuffing ?8
Or The Plum-Pudding, that great globe of gladness,9
Mild in his mirth, yet making longest faces10
Round as his own, with inward satisfaction,11
On his appearance ?12
Or The Mince Pie, his not unworthy kinsman,13
Wreath’d in a flame that brightens all around him,14
Making each plate a mimic Mongibello,15
Sometimes call’d Etna ?16
Or The Scotch Bun, high-flavour’d with Glenlivet,17
Hard in his hide, and harder in his inwards,18
Yet the belov’d of ev’ry youth and maiden19
North of the Border ?20
Or The Shortbread, with richest pearls encrusted—21
Not to be drunk like that of Cleopatra,22
But to be met by simple mastication—23
Tooth-trying process !24
Galen and Glauber ! potent are these allies—25
Faithful they are, and zealous in your service—26
Bringing each year a still-increasing harvest27
Into your garner.28
Pleasant to all is dear old Father Christmas—29
Pleasant his feasts and all his kind vagaries—30
Pleasant to you are also his successors—31
Sadness and Senna !32
* Well-known as eminent druggists—gentlemen of much talent and humour
who will no doubt heartily enjoy our “ Sapphics and Adonians.”
† Some of our English friends may perhaps not be aware that in Scotland a
goose is an essential part of a Christmas dinner. A lady of our acquaintance went
to order her goose for this last Christmas at a poulterer’s shop in Edinburgh. “ You
sell,” she said, “a good many geese just now, Mr. Muirhead ?”   “ A good many,
ma’am,” was the answer.  “ One gentleman has just ordered a hundred and sixty-
three of them.” We have great pleasure in adding the explanation of this remark-
able fact—a gentleman (the manager of a manufactory of articles in gutta-percha,)
had ordered a Christmas goose for each of the workmen.
‡ No true Scotchman need be told that “ the goose’s apron” is the part which
contains the stuffing. It is melancholy to think that in “ The Christmas Carol ”
(the best, perhaps, of all his inimitable works) Mr. Dickens should have put the
stuffing in the breast of the goose.