“ Dux Femina Facti.”
An Emancipation Ode, to Be Sung by Trebles Only.
A.D. 1890.
O mark the day that lifts our ban1
With raiment white and braided tresses,2
Too long we groaned the slaves of man,3
Henceforth we are electoresses ;4
But only vote, however pressed,5
On principles of “ pure selection,”6
And the “ survival of the best”7
In face, and figure, and complexion.8
In vain the ugly Tory prates,9
The Radical ungainly proses,10
We scorn to favour candidates11
With lanthorn jaws or crooked noses ;12
But when Apollo Belvederes13
Our “ vote and interest” solicit,14
By canvass, eloquence, and cheers15
We’ll bring them in ; we cannot miss it.16
The female vote by slow degrees17
Will weed the benches of St. Stephen,18
Till every member (if you please)19
Shows Grecian nose and dentals even.20
What follows ? Oh, ye golden years !21
Oh, free and glorious British nation !22
Lo ! Womankind M.P. appears23
Sole mistress of the situation.24
Behold a novel introduction ;25
Our charming selves will grace the centre,26
And idiot howling and “ obstruction”27
Subside and vanish as we enter.28
They “ bate” our husbands “ by the powers,”29
So strong their brass, their voices stronger ;30
But when they match their tongues with ours31
They’ll soon discover which is longer.32
We’ll tighten many a screw that’s loose,33
Curb Ministerial wits that wander,34
And teach mankind that “ sauce for goose”35
Is likewise proper “ sauce for gander” ;36
We’ll minimise the income-tax,37
Cheer the bucolic heart with plenty,38
And pile all burdens on the backs39
Of bachelors turned eight-and-twenty.40
Deceased Wives’ Sister Bills ! How great41
The nuisance of those annual bothers !42
But we will then retaliate,43
And pre-engage our husbands’ brothers !44
The Widow’s Pension !— immature45
We deem that Georgian* invention ;46
We can improve it, and secure47
A second husband, plus the pension.48
The coinage shall be decimal,49
To soften arithmetic rigours ;50
For though our shapes are perfect all,51
We are not over-good at figures.52
Long may Victoria’s image be53
Displayed our British coin and flag on,54
But Hercules and Omphale55
Shall supersede the George and Dragon.56
’Tis three years since the Jubilee—57
To us a grateful jubilation :58
What won our earliest victory ?59
A maiden Queen’s determination.60
Her tiny royal foot went down,61
And forced Sir Robert to surrender ;62
That is a diamond in her crown !—63
Long live Victoria ! Heay’n defend her.64
“ To love, to cherish, and obey ”—65
That vow was framed by men. No matter !66
When re-arranged in woman’s way,67
The bridegroom shall repeat the latter.68
And when an olive-branch appears,69
Papa shall sit at home and rock it,70
While we enjoy ourselves, my dears,71
A little latechkey in our pocket !72
* “ The Widow’s Pension” wag suggested by Mr. Henry George, author of ‘ Progress and Poverty.’
We won’t forget the usual snub,73
Returning later than expected,74
But talk about the Ladies’ Club,75
Where “ ladies only” are elected.76
We hold the rod, we will not spare,77
Revenge shall take the place of mercy ;78
Man’s turn will come to grin and bear79
In those brave days of vice versâ !80
Dame Partlet—see her rule the roost81
And in the chickyard peck and jump it ;82
And luckless chanticleer, reduced83
To crow as small as penny-trumpet.84
Sharp beaks have we if men refuse85
To mend their tempers and their manners,86
Bring friends to lunch with muddy shoes,87
And stick to “ brandies” and havannas.88
The stronger now must to the wall,89
The muscular obey the feeble ;90
In life’s duet the bass sing small,91
And octaves higher shrill the treble.92
Enough of tears and abject life,93
Enough of husbands’ jealous fury ;94
Point out the brute who beats a wife,95
We’ll hang him sine judge or jury !96