The Lord of Castle Crazy.
I dwell in Castle Crazy1
And am its King and Lord,2
’Tis furnished well for all my needs,3
Cellar and bed and board.4
And up in the topmost attic5
The furthest from the earth,6
I keep my choicest treasures7
And gems of greatest worth.8
A nobly stocked museum9
Of all that’s rare and bright,10
With plans ; ah ! many a thousand !11
For setting the wrong world right.12
Plans for destroying evil13
And poverty and pain,14
And stretching life to a hundred years15
Of vigorous heart and brain.16
I’ve books in Castle Crazy17
That solve the riddles of time,18
And make old histories easy19
With all their sorrow and crime.20
Books that divulge all secrets21
That science has ever thought,22
And might lead us back to Eden23
If men could ever be taught.24
I’ve plans for weaving velvet25
From the spider’s web so thin,26
For bottling up the sunshine,27
And distilling rain to gin.28
For finding the essence of beauty29
And selling it for a crown—30
Aye ! half a crown—and less than that—31
To the favourites of the town !32
I’ve plans for converting the heathen,33
Plans for converting ourselves—34
Perhaps the greatest of heathens !—35
All in a row on my shelves.36
I’ve plans for transmuting pebbles37
Into the minted gold,38
And fixing dew into diamonds39
As bright as were ever sold.40
Though Castle Crazy’s open,41
To all who wish to see,42
Very few people care to come,43
And explore its wealth with me.44
I very well know the reason—45
Prithee ! don’t miss the point !46
I am the centre of wisdom—47
The world is out of joint !48