BETA

(Extract from a MS. Journal.)

Baden-Baden.

If you’re sick of your wife,1
Or tired of your life,2
Or with too many shillings are laden ;3
Or have headach or gout,4
Or can swallow sour krout,5
Be off to divine Baden-Baden.6
Put your trunk in a barrow,7
And, straight as an arrow,8
Take the steamer of Mr John Blea-
den ;9
If you’re sick in your berth,10
You’ll have more room for mirth11
When you’re once at divine Baden-
Baden.12
When at Antwerp you land13
You will hear a full band,14
Of a boy, an old woman and maiden ;15
But don’t smile on the frows,16
Remember your spouse,17
And take wing for divine Baden-
Baden.18
When you’re there, hide your trunk19
From man, woman, and monk,20
Unless all your sunshine you’d sad-
den ;21
You had better be shot22
Than ask for a groat23
In that place of all joys, Baden-
Baden.24
You must drink, drive, and dash,25
You must scatter your cash,26
If the hearts of the mighty you’d
gladden ;27
For each duchess and highness28
Hates all sorts of shyness :29
“ Pay”—’s the weed in divine Baden-
Baden.30
You’ll see beaux of all sorts,31
The elite of all courts ;32
Whisker’d heroes from Russia and
Sweden ;33
From “ La belle Italie”34
Chevaliers d’industrie :35
All the world’s in divine Baden-
Baden.36
We have Field-Marshal Swamp,37
And Baron von Scamp,38
And the Margrave of “ Great Fid-
dle-faden,”39
And Le Comte Vaurien,40
The most charming of men :41
All is fashion in sweet Baden-
Baden.42
We have belles from La France43
Who kill at a glance,44
All Venuses, mother and maiden.45
In your purse if they dip,46
Its last farthing they’ll strip :47
All is love in divine Baden-Baden.48
You’ll see Puckler Muskaw,49
Metternich’s old catspaw,50
From his rambles in Egypt and
Aden ;51
With his Israelite phiz,52
Which the demoiselles quiz—53
The Adonis of gay Baden-Baden.54
Then there’s Prince Charlatan,55
Who drives his own van,56
With a “ harem” of loveliness
laden,57
All taking the air58
Like wild beasts at a fair :59
All is pleasure in gay Baden-
Baden.60
Then all march in the morning,61
The foggy air scorning,62
To a concert of Weber or Haydn ;63
While the swallowing of physic,64
And groans of the phthisic,65
Play their part in divine Baden-
Baden.66
You’ll see monarchs in pairs67
With their chargés d’affaires,68
At the pump of old Madame Von
Wreden ;69
All holding their noses,70
As her draught she composes,71
The Hebe of sweet Baden-Baden.72
You’ll see frows of all shapes,73
All melting as grapes,74
(No snakes in this garden of Eden,)75
Who’ll play to your rental76
The sweet sentimental :77
There’s some flirting in gay Baden-
Baden.78
All is dancing and song,79
All day and night long :80
You’d think ’twas the bower of
Aladdin.81
If the diamonds are glass,82
And the lion’s an ass—83
’Tis the way in divine Baden-Baden.84
If you’re fond of hot nights,85
Blue stockings, blue lights,86
Fat professors from Leipsic and
Leyden ;87
If your taste’s for buffoons,88
French counts, and baboons,89
You’re the man for divine Baden-
Baden.90
If you’d lose wife or daughter,91
Or relish ditch water,92
Or your brains with French brandy
would madden,93
You may empty your purse,94
And be fit for a nurse,95
In a week, in divine Baden-Baden.96
Aretino.